Say It
by CheckAgain
Summary: Tony wants Bruce to say it. Thor wants to protect Midgard. Bruce wants nothing to do with either of them. Light Tony/Bruce. Crackish.


"Come on. Say the line."

"No."

"Come oooooon."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with... what do you like to eat again? Wait, do you even eat? I never see you eat. We'll have to talk about that. But I digress. Please?"

"_No_, Tony. Why do you care so much?"

"You kidding me? You've got the most iconic superhero line of all time!"

"I'm not a superhero, Tony."

"And I'm not an egotistical sex god."

"Did someone say 'god'?"

"No, Thor. Tony's just being... Tony."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!"

"Ah, very well then. I shall resume emptying the buzzing metal box of its food."

"That's the fridge-"

"Never mind, he's gone. So, Bruce. Say the line."

"For God's sake, Tony."

"It is for my sake. Say it."

"You're not a god."

"No; I'm a _sex _god."

"Okay; you're not a _sex _god."

"Right. And you're not a superhero."

"I'm _not _a superhero! I'm a scientist. The Other Guy does all the work, and it's not really what I'd call 'heroic'. Also-"

"Alright, alright, low self-esteem, the good of the people, blah, blah, blah, I get it. But that doesn't explain one thing."

"What's that?"

"Why you're not saying the line, and why I am currently pant less."

"You took them off before you started tormenting me."

"Hmm... did I give any particular reason as to why?"

"You said, and I quote: 'I like to let the Little Tony out when I'm sciencing shit up. You should join me.'"

"And did you?"

"Do I look like I did?"

"No. Then again, I couldn't remember taking my pants off, so I suppose _you _could have put yours back on... So what did you say?"

"I said I didn't want to. And then you said-"

"'Why? Because I wouldn't like you when you're naked?'"

"Which led to the current situation."

"Ah, makes sense."

"Hardly."

"So. Say it."

"Tony, I swear to God-"

"You requested me?"

"No, Thor. He was talking about me."

"I'm not talking about either of you!"

"Then what god were you referring to? Is there a Midgardian god I know not of?"

"No, well, sort of-"

"Are they a threat to Midgard? Is that why you swear?"

"No, no- Tony, help me out."

"Nah, Little Tony and I are just gonna enjoy the show."

"I shall retrieve Mjölnir, and reek havoc upon this god! None shall harm Midgard in my presence!"

"Thor, wait!"

"Nicely handled, Dr. Feel Good."

"I am this close to destroying this entire lab."

"Fantastic! You can say the line before Hulking out. It'll set the mood."

"Tony-"

"Bruce, you know me. I know me. This whole city knows me. Do you think, even for one second, in the deepest recesses of your mind, that I will give up on something I really want? Do you not expect me to stalk you, and question you, and make your life a living hell until you tell me? Do you, Bruce? Well, do you?"

"... no."

"Then come on, Banner. Give daddy what he wants."

"... you wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

"Hm."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just saying, it doesn't sound that convincing. I mean, you _are _the Hulk."

"I am _not_-"

"Plus I actually do like you when you're angry. You have to convince me otherwise with your _sheer rage_."

"Tony, I-wait. You... like me when I'm angry? When I'm... him?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"What can I say? Green is the new black, and you know that I am one fashionable motherfucker. Now, with passion."

"Is it too late to leave the tower-"

"You know the answer to that. I'm not chasing you through Greece again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the gyros were great and all, but their letters are, like, numbers. Not that I don't _like _numbers, per se, but-"

"Tony."

"'S my name."

"If I say the line for you-with feeling- will you never ask me to do it again, and that we shall never talk about this?"

"_Never _is a long time-"

"Tony."

"Fine, fine. I promise. Now, with gusto!"

"Please don't make me angry. You wouldn't _like me _when I'm angry."

"... whoa."

"Was that good enough? Did that satisfy you?"

"It most certainly did. In fact, Little Tony's giving you a standing ovation right now! Though he's not very satisfied, if you catch my drift."

"I'm sure we can fix that."

"I wouldn't like you when you're horny?"

"Ah-ah. Our promise."

"Raging green monster."

"Egotistical sex god."

"At your beckoning, I return with Mjölnir! Now, let us defeat this god once and for all! _For Midgard!_"

"... god damn it. _I wasn't talking to either of you!_"


End file.
